My Prayer

Written by Shaina Gold on . Posted in Dating

I like to be in control. Don’t we all? Life can be so unpredictable that we do everything in our power to maintain a semblence of control. This summer, though, I was repeatedly reminded by G-d that He is in charge, not me.

One day, for instance, I was happily sitting on an airplane that was ready for takeoff, on my way to New York for one last hurrah at the end of the summer before going back to work. Suddenly, the pilot announced that due to a mechanical issue with the plane, we were heading back to the gate. An hour later, we were informed that our flight had been canceled. It was 10 p.m. on Thursday night and there were no flights available to New York that would get me there in time for Shabbos. Man plans and G-d laughs, they say.

Most people would probably be really upset that their weekend getaway was ruined. Believe it or not, it actually felt good to fully embrace the fact that I was not in control and that was okay. It was a humbling experience to know that this trip was just not meant to be.

This time of year is a time of reflection and introspection, and working on myself in understanding that G-d is in control and is looking out for my best interests has helped me in other areas of my life, especially when it comes to dating. As someone who has been dating for well over 13 years, it’s hard not to see results. It’s hard to see friends moving on with life while you feel stuck. As a young girl, I would plan my dream wedding and picture the perfect life married with children. But what happens when life doesn’t turn out the way you planned? It doesn’t mean my life isn’t wonderful; it’s just different than what I had envisioned. It means being happy with what I have and making the most of every situation: being able to further my education, travel the world, and meet new people, enjoying the perks of not having the responsibilities of a spouse and children.

As I stand before G-d during the High Holidays, I ask Him to give me the courage I need to believe in myself, the strength I need to deal with the challenges of being single, and to help me fully accept that right now, this is His plan for me. I pray that until the time comes for me to get married, I should not feel defensive or resentful about my single status.

We might not understand G-d’s ways, but believing that my life is in His hands gives me the drive to try my hardest in any situation that I am faced with. By working on the realization that I am not in control and that G-d runs the world, I am able to live a happier and more peaceful life. When we believe that we are not in charge, we allow Hashem to take charge.

Gmar chatima tova! May we all be sealed in the book of life!

By Shaina Gold


 

Shaina Gold is an elementary school teacher with a master’s degree in educational administration.